Three Brandeis University students were arrested Sunday afternoon for driving their university provided golf carts under the influence of alcohol during the Deis Day parade. The students were pulled over as the parade reached the SCC after officers noticed that two carts were swerving, and after the third had struck a flock of wild turkeys.
“We were shocked to learn that some of our most respected student leaders would get behind the wheel of a dangerous vehicle while inebriated,” stated Director of Public Safety Ed Callahan. “We make it our goal to keep this campus safe for all living beings, humans and turkeys alike.”
Once the student drivers were pulled over, they were administered a field sobriety test as well as a breathalyzer test. The BUPD field sobriety test includes, walking in a straight line, touching your fingers to the tip of your nose, as well as reciting the Hebrew alphabet backwards. The three drivers failed all three tests, and blew a .31, a .24, and a .27 respectively on the breathalyzer test. The students were rushed to the Brandeis University Health Center where they were immediately misdiagnosed with Whooping Cough.
An eyewitness account of the “pregame” that these drivers were involved in told us anonymously that he/she saw Jehuda Reinharz provide them with multiple handles of Gordon’s Vodka, a delicacy on the Brandeis campus. The eyewitness also stated that the pregame took place in the Ridgewood A dormitory, the building that is appropriately named after Jehuda himself.