March 19, 2015

POLL: Students No Longer Care That Every Snowflake is Unique

WALTHAM – Boston recently reached the, “snowiest season on record,” according to the US National Weather Service Boston MA’s Facebook page, at 108.6 inches of snow. And the students at Brandeis University are none too pleased. In fact, a striking 87% of the student population no longer cares that every snowflake is unique.

PBS said in a 2011 report that the formation of snowflakes is due in part to temperature and humidity and that, as far as limitless forms snowflakes can achieve, “It’s limitless. It’s life if you drove down the freeway everyday for the rest of your life and you would never see the same combination of cars. Each snowflake is unlike those that follow and precede it.”

“Shut up, Big Bird!” shouted several students upon hearing this study.

“I used to post pictures to Instagram and Tumblr all the time of snowflakes and eloquent captions about how everyone is different and special, and you know, that everyone is a snowflake when you really think about it,” said Psychology major, sophomore Jenna Duffy, “but now, I just can’t. I am sick to death of all the snow. In fact, people are like snowflakes. In that I hate them and they are the cause of traffic accidents.”

Last week, Instagram released an official statement saying that posts about how everyone is different and special in his or her own sort of way, just like snowflakes, have fallen 36%. In lieu of such pictures, people have taken to flipping off the camera in front of a snow mound, usually with a X-Pro II filter thrown on for good measure. Instagram issued a harsh statement, and has started to ban accounts with the condemned pictures. “This winter has brought out the ugly side of not only snowflakes, but people themselves,” Instagram officials reported, “We are trying to market towards a lovely and peaceful spring, where every blade of grass, gently swaying in the wind is unique, JUST LIKE PEOPLE, OK.”

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