deis nooz staff September 1, 2015

Highlights of First-Year Orientation

WALTHAM— School is back in session. While you were biting your nails and waiting to get out of the clutches of your overbearing mother and neglectfully passive father, a new batch of first-year students arrived on the Brandeis campus! Here are the top five moments from their orientation.

1. Selecting Their Pronouns

Most students didn’t even realize that an education at Brandeis would come with a whole new identity. Many chose to stick with their boring societally assigned monikers, but some chose to go outside the box. “I got a Zee!” exclaimed Orientation Leader, Moira Stein ’17. “He—I mean Zee is so cool and has like funky hair and doesn’t like yoga pants!”

  1.     SSIS’s Full Frontal Presentation

“It takes a lot to get these kids attention,” said SSIS President Laura Lowry ‘16. “That’s why this year we did the entire presentation completely nude.” The naked sex talk covered everything from learning that your straight partner is gay, to lying to Title IX investigators about where you were that night. “We really are just trying to get these first years totally prepared for life at Brandeis,” Lowry said.

  1.     Tuition in a Bucket Party

This year’s Orientation had a brand new party theme to welcome the new class. The “Tuition in a Bucket Party” had everyone participating, as first-years and Orienation Leaders alike took turns placing their entire year’s tuition in a metal bin in the center of the Levin Ballroom. “At the end of the party they lit the money on fire,” said first-year student, Tyler Moorhouser. “Then they went around the room and asked for 4% more. It was a blast!”

  1.     The Museum Party

Whether it’s a concert in the echo-y pit that is Gosman, or a rager in the precarious Green Room, Brandeisians know how to party in places that weren’t designed for a dance. “I’ve never stood at the edge of a dance floor next to a T-Rex before,” said one first-year student who was too shy to give their name as they stared at their feet and waited for the whole thing to be over. “So… there’s that,” they added.

  1.     Forgetting your orientation group ever existed.

The best part of Orientation is the day you leave your group behind and go on to do bigger and better things at Brandeis, like learning the word, “intersectionality” and how to drink beer from a funnel.

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