deis nooz staff November 15, 2015

Play-Doh Sponsors The Froyo Dispenser in Sherman

WALTHAM— Campus dietician’s new initiative: “get out and play” has sparked change in Sodexo’s menu. Sherman now serves play-doh in the frozen yogurt dispenser. The days of using points for play-doh are over.  The next time you find yourself in Sherman, you can shop more than wilted apples and decrepit bananas; you can now shop fun.

“The first time I tried it, I didn’t get it,” explains sophomore, Stacy Wilkenstein, “that sickly, sweet but somehow salty flavor was something I couldn’t quite place.”  But once students realized that the Claire’s ice cream dispenser was no longer dispensing ice cream, they got on board.  “College is so serious–play-doh is just the break I need” exclaimed John Doh, studious freshman who messed around in high school and is now paying the price.  In fact, a study conducted by Brandeis’ International Business School shows that the pilot program has a 99% approval rate, save for The 1% who answered on a survey that play-doh is b) for plebians.

Not only is Sherman getting more business from students, but sponsorship from the Play-Doh company pays Sherman to serve it. The extra money is going entirely to maintenance staff who are not happy with the consequences of Sherman’s change. Their reports mention ramifications such as cleaning play-doh out of the laundry machines, extracting it from toilets, and wrestling it out of the shower nozzles.

The surplus of play-doh has also led to massive changes in major compositions. As a result, 43% of Biology majors picked up minor in Sculpture. “Self-expression can be as simple as play-doh,” comments Sculpture Department Head, Doug McGee. Professor McGee even confessed that he “loves playing with little kids…toys,” a statement which we promised we wouldn’t include in this news article.

All in all, students have had a positive reaction to the play-doh. We can’t put a value on childhood, but we can put a value on play-doh. Play-doh at $1.25 adds up, but in Sherman, our cups runneth over with play-doh. The extra money can be spent on more important things: tuition, Taqueria Mexico, and alcohol. Interim President Lisa Lynch agrees: “It’s theraputic, stress-relieving, and totally sanitary to have in a dining hall, which is why students love it.”

There are exciting new flavors expected to come out in spring such as “red” and “yellow”.

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